Harnessing the Power of Listening to Get the Results You Want
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A while ago, I had to confront a team member whose behaviour was causing serious issues. Others had complained — both to me and directly to them — but nothing had changed. This meeting was supposed to set things right.
When they walked in, I could tell they were ready for battle. Their stiff posture, the defiant glare, the clipped tone of their greeting — all signs that they were bracing for an attack.
I could have jumped straight into the agenda, listing complaints and outlining consequences. But something told me to take a different approach.
I put my notes aside and started with a simple question:
“How are you?”
Their response? Not polite. Something along the lines of, “You can see how I look. Do I have to spell it out, or have you gone blind?”
That’s when I made a choice. Instead of pushing my concerns, I decided to just listen.
The Power of Feeling Heard
They were expecting criticism, maybe even a warning. Instead, I said:
“You’re a valuable member of the team. You do so much behind the scenes that others don’t even realise. But I’ve noticed lately that you’re not quite yourself. How can I help?”
At first, they were skeptical. They vented about co-workers and speculated about who had complained. I let them talk. A raised eyebrow here, a nod there, an occasional word of encouragement — nothing more.
And then, the floodgates opened.
They had received a life-shortening health diagnosis. They were petrified. Feeling isolated, afraid to share, they had retreated into themselves. Every interaction felt like an intrusion, and their response was to lash out.
As soon as I understood what was really going on, everything changed.
“Please don’t tell anyone,” they whispered.
I reassured them their secret was safe, that they had my full support, and they didn’t need to go through this alone.
Days later, they told me they had shared their diagnosis with others — and instead of judgment, they received empathy. The tension lifted. They returned to being the person we all knew — hardworking, kind, engaged.
I hadn’t forced anything. I hadn’t lectured or demanded change.
I had simply listened.
Why Listening Works — The Science Behind It
Listening isn’t just about being polite — it has real, measurable effects. Research shows that when people feel heard, their stress levels drop, and their ability to process feedback improves.
1. Listening Reduces Conflict
A study from Harvard Business Review found that when employees feel genuinely listened to by their managers, workplace conflict decreases by 40%. People are more likely to cooperate when they believe their perspective matters.
2. Listening Increases Trust and Engagement
A study by Zenger Folkman revealed that leaders who rank in the top 10% for listening skills are also rated as the most trustworthy and effective. Employees under these leaders are 60% more engaged and productive.
In other words, listening isn’t passive — it’s a tool for transformation.
The Big Takeaway
When faced with difficult conversations, it’s tempting to push our agenda. To get straight to the point. But the real magic happens when we create space for the other person to speak.
Listening isn’t about fixing things immediately. It’s about making people feel seen. And sometimes, that’s all they need to find their way back.
So the next time you face a difficult conversation, try this — put the script aside. Start with a question. Then listen.
It might just change everything.