Conquering ‘Dream-Slayers’ with a Smile (and a Little Bit of Trickery)
LIFE STORIES
Photo by Valiant Made on Unsplash
“Thank you for refusing to let us check out late. You have just saved my life.”
I was totally confused by this girl, Tamara, when she said this. I’d refused to let her and her friends check out late from our Bed and Breakfast, and she was basically thanking me for it?
Turns out, the young lady was in a bit of a pickle. She lived in a small town where everyone knows everyone’s business. She and these girls — her friends, I guess? — had come down to the city for a wild weekend, drinking and partying way too hard. Tamara wasn’t really into all that, but she went along because she didn’t want to be left out.
She had BIG dreams — like buying her own house. She told me she’d been working her butt off — extra shifts at work, even running a little market on Sundays. But she couldn’t tell her friends any of this. The last time she’d tried to share her goals, they’d laughed in her face, making her feel small and stupid.
Playing the Game
So, Tamara got creative. She’d pretend to be as wild as them, even though she wasn’t really enjoying it. And that morning, when I refused to let them check out late, it was actually a blessing in disguise. She needed to get home early to get ready for her market stall.
This got me thinking. Sometimes, when you have big dreams, the people closest to you can actually be the biggest obstacles. I call them dream-slayers. They might not mean to be, but their negativity can really drag you down.
Research Findings
I read somewhere that a huge percentage of people fail to achieve their goals because of self-doubt and criticism from others.
In one study researchers discovered that as relationships deepen, the amount of negative feedback exchanged between friends increases. This can lead to decreased motivation and self-esteem, making it harder to achieve goals.
Another study showed that while a moderate level of social interaction and support from friends can positively impact goal achievement, too much interaction, especially if it includes negative comments, can be detrimental.
It’s crazy! You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. But it also doesn’t mean you have to abandon your friends completely.
How to Conquer Dream-Slayers
Whilst you don’t have to abandon your friends, you also don’t have to share every single detail of your dreams with them.
Keep some things to yourself.
Focus on your goals, and work hard.
Surround yourself with people who support you.
The Big Takeaway
Sometimes, you have to play the game a little bit to get where you want to go. Like Tamara.