5 Tips to Infuse More Confidence Into Your Conversations
PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
Image by nastya_gepp on Pixabay
In his article about communication Maurice DeCastro says this:
If you were ever in any doubt as to the far-reachingeffects of communication skills you only have to reflect on the last 6 months.
In 2020, the flu pandemic -Covid-19, and the Black Lives Matter movement, revealed just how important communication is.
Everyone wanted to know what was happening — we still do. Governments, health professionals, business owners were all thrown into this new reality where they had to communicate information quickly and as accurately as possible. Any miscommunication resulted not just in confusion but utter chaos.
Even on a smaller scale, the way we communicate with those around us on a daily basis affects the outcomes of our conversations.
If you have been wondering why people don’t always respond the way you expect them to, or they treat you as if you don’t know what you are doing, it’s time to examine the language or words you are using.
There are ways you can infuse more confidence into your conversations.
Here, I share common phrases which you can replace with more meaningful ones. They will not only help you relay the message you want to convey but infuse confidence into your conversations.
One
X — Sorry for the delay
You maybe genuinely sorry for having kept someone waiting. However, your apology won’t necessarily make them feel better either.
Say this instead:
✓ — Thank you for your patience
Thanking the other person shows that your lateness was not a sign of disrespect. It demonstrates that you value their time. You show that you appreciate them waiting for you.
Two
X — No problem/No worries
I used to use this phrase a lot. It wasn’t until I learnt about the power of our words that I stopped using it. I realised my response implied that I may not have been happy to do whatever had been asked of me.
This is what I have now replaced it with:
✓ — Always happy to help
“Always happy to help" prevents the other person from feeling bad about having made the request. They will also feel like you genuinely wanted to help or work with them.
Three
X — Hopefully that makes sense?
People around me love using this phrase. I can understand why they do it. Maybe they’ve been met with blank stares or looks of confusion from their audience after saying something. If that is the case, it is better not to convey even more uncertainty to your audience by saying, “ “Hopefully that makes sense?”
A better phrase would be:
✓ — Let me know if you have any questions.
Not only is this reassuring, it allows your listener to view you as the one who knows his or her stuff. It enables them to approach you with their questions more confidently.
State your case clearly and don’t doubt your ability to explain something.
Four
X — I just wanted to check in.
I have to stop myself each time I find myself on the verge of saying, “I just wanted to check in.”
I know why I do it too. It’s because I feel as if I’m asking too much of the other person. I mentally negotiate on their behalf and start thinking things like:
Well, if they had the time they would have done the work.
Maybe they’ve encountered difficulties or are experiencing personal challenges.
It wouldn’t be fair to make demands on them if such and such has happened.
Making wrong assumptions only creates barriers between you and the person you are communicating with. I now avoid creating problems in my head and ask this instead:
✓ — When can I expect an update?
“I just want to check in” does not always convey the real message, which is: I need an answer.
By asking, “When can I expect an update?” you not only infuse confidence in your words, you throw the ball in the other person’s court. They are forced to give you a specific answer. You walk away without feeling bad about giving them unrealistic deadlines, and you know exactly what to expect of them.
Five
X — What works best for you?
At first glance, asking “What works best for you?” looks pretty innocent, and even quite accommodating. However, if you want to infuse more confidence in your conversation use this phrase instead:
✓ — Could you do Wednesday at 10am?
You need to be specific. When you ask the other person what’s best for them, you may think you are being nice and flexible. You are not. What you are actually doing is creating work for the person you are inviting.
Specific questions are more likely to give you specific answers.
Avoid the fluffiness and be direct. People value that.